New from Nintendo: Joe Francis Tosses Your Salad!

It’s all Tyson’s fault. He picked up one of those new Nintendo DS things, featuring such logical games as Kung-Fu Lawyer and Co-Dependent Puppy Breeding, and he mentioned that one of the games you can get for the DS is (ahem) Doki Doki Majo Saiban, (translation: Happy Burger Jumping Princess Frog) a game about witch-hunting where you discern whether or not a young lady is a witch by touching them and feeling their heartbeat.

I’ll repeat that for you: THIS IS A GAME WHERE THE OBJECTIVE IS TO TOUCH YOUNG GIRLS AND MAKE THEM FEEL SLIGHTLY NERVOUS.

Which, I guess, is okay in Japan. Because, obviously, ya gotta find dem witches. They’re like ants, y’know: once they get in, they’re in for good.

Add this to the growing fetish for life-sized Sailor Moon sex dolls, doctors playing dress-up and violating burritos, and, well, general unhappiness, and I think I’m gonna find somewhere new to live where you people aren’t allowed to come and scare me with videos of girls putting live eels into each other.

Do NOT look that up. Honest, you don’t want any part of that. Don’t ask me how I found out about it.

On a good sexploitation-related note, though: Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is going to jail, and he cried like a girl when he found out. You cannot imagine how happy this makes me; not the jail-term, as it’s only thirty days or so, and then he’s back making soft-core porn with your daughters – it’s the fact that he leaked like a four-year-old when the judge passed the sentence.
Little things like that? They keep me from punting lapdogs. Well, that and the restraining order.

This is Silversun Pickups. They make me happy, which means that they should make you happy, too.