Beano might be g9ood for my social life, but it's bad for my non-drinking-status; also I am ashamed because I am quite inebriated after TWO ciders. How does that happen?
ALso I have the hiccups. You cannot imagine how much this sucks.
But! I have chips. This is a good thing.
See, me and Meagan and Meagan's new FRIEND Alan (who is very nice and cool and funny, so I approve...) went to play pool with Rachel and Brandon, because Racxhel's having a whole mess o' problems, and we thought it'd be nice to hang out with her.
Wait. How come every time I drink, it's with Rachel? That girl's TRUBBLE. Capital T.
Also: seeing how Rachel and Ian just broke up, does this mean I can't be friends with Ian any more? How does this stuff work? Damn. I like Ian. He's good shit.
Wait, am I allowed to say things like that on the internet?
...sorry. Hiccups. Anyway. I don't care what any of you saay: those dry ribs were fantastic. Plus: I rule at pool.
Damn. I totally had some good things to say here, but now I can't remember. Let's see:
1. Y'know, normally, I'd have a modicum of, I dunno, tact, when it came to someone going through hard times like this (THIS IS A LIE. I WILL LAUGH AT ALL OF YOU, GIVEN THE CHANCE...); but, honestly? Cry all you want, lady; when you treat the world like your own personal toilet, don't be surprised when the repercussions rise up to slap you in the face. You're so fucking lucky that you live in the time that you do; any other society would've strung you and your ilk up long ago.
Who knows; maybe there's a human being underneath all that socialite artifice, one that'll be allowed to surface through all this drama. I doubt it, though. Look for The Simple Life: Paris Tosses A Salad, coming to a network near you this fall. I'm sure half of you have bought t-shirts already.
2. This woman makes pictures that are so fucking good. No, really. Look through her portfolio until you find the 'Chubby Birthday Dance'. If that doesn't win you over, then you have no soul.
3. New Ween. It makes everything better. If you don't understand the amazing power of Ween, again, you have no soul.
4. (This is mainly for Clint) THIS IS GONNA ROCK SO HARD, EVEN IF WILL SMITH CAN'T HELP PLAYING HIMSELF. To the rest of you: I Am Legend is a wonderful/terrifying short story by Richard Matheson about the last man on earth dealing with his predicament whilst surrounded by vampires. I know how that sounds, but trust me: it's good. And don't listen to Rachel, because it doesn't matter that vampires wouldn't have developed an agricultural eceonomic system, or that technically it should be a post-apocalyptic zombie strory, or whatever else she might be spewing. It's good, it's scary, and thank good they went with Smith instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Yes, I know it sounds remarkably like Omega Man with Charlton Heston; where do you think they got the idea for THAT? Don't test me, people. I have mad trivia skillz.
5. Y'know what? No. Even drunk, I am saying no to this. Thanks, but no. I'm not THAT stupid.
Hey, look. Hiccups are gone. So are my chips. I think I must sleep. If you call me, I won't pick up the phone. It's not that I don't like you, it's just that i don't care.
(I'm truly sorry; I'll have smarter things to say once I'm sober. Hopefully watching a live version of the Most Kick-ass Song In The Universe will make up for my tipsy kepboard skills:
...why does Gene Ween remind me of Brad?)
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6 comments:
sir, of course you can still be friends with Ian.
I mean, fuck,I still am!
Yes, but YOU, madame, are STRANGE.
Y'know, Ghost warrior does sound really cool, but I watched that trailer and it looked really boring. Those vikings weren't really convincing. Where is the ghost? Is it just that small guy? I only really like warrior movies if they are set in hot places, like a jungle or the desert. Nevermind the snow.
Oh, and that ween video is so awesome.
Ween is ALWAYS awesome. You should know this by now.
I'm STRANGE now? I'm sorry, but I was under the impression that I was pretty much as crazy as everyone else around these here parts.
DON'T GIVE ME THAT KIND OF LEVERAGE!
fuxoring wierdo.
Sorry, nerd, but I don't allow l33tspeak around these here parts. Ya gotta talk Englush round here.
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