"CHRIS JANZEN
This guy's not a dog but he forced me to eat a meatloaf sandwich a few weeks ago. I mean it. He made me one and gave me an apple juice and made me sit down and eat it. I didn't really want it, but it was good and it was nice of him to give me a sandwich. It's just really confusing when someone is doing something nice for you in a mean way. I also told him I'd mention that, so I held up my end of the bargain."
In my defense: she was asking me if I knew the best places to go dumpster-diving for food. Because she was hungry. So I sat her down and made her eat a goddamned sandwich. Because the rest of you would've encouraged her crust-punk behaviour. Which is why you all need to be sterilized like the halfwits you are. So that you cannot breed and raise more stupid children who will think it's cool to swallow each other's urine.
The Church of Clutch opens its doors to the faithful in a few hours. Damn Tomorrow, Future Now.
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