I mean, what? Who thinks about stuff like that?**
Movies I Just Seen.
Transformers:
Y'know, I just wish people would stop letting Michael Bay make movies. I just, y'know, wish. So much. Because, GAWD. Y'know? This could've been SO cool. Instead, we get three hours of bright, fiery explosions and blurry shots of spinny, spiky robots, all of which I'm sure is there to shock you into forgetting that with even a story as simple as GOOD ROBOTS FIGHT THE BAD ONES, Micheal Bay screws it up. I'm also fairly certain that this was intended to be a semi-subliminal ad for the U.S. Army, but even thinking that means that spy satellites are now converging on my location, so I'll leave that one alone.
Understand: as cool as the cartoon was, it was pretty dumb, yet it was still better than this.
28 Weeks Later:
Not bad at all. I still maintain that fast zombies are scarier than slow ones, and that any zombie movie is good movie.(I lie: Resident Evil 2 and Land Of The Dead were both atrocious, despite the latter's inclusion of one Alan Van Sprang, who makes things awesome simply by being in them, even though he usually gets killed off really quickly and has lines as memorable as "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!", but I went to school with him, so I think it's fun, so shut up. Where was I? Zombie movies! Right.)
I dunno; the whole opening, with Robert Carlyle leaving his wife behind to get eaten? That was pretty intense; and all that business of his kids having some kinda genetic immunity to the Rage virus would've been interesting, had the filmmakers not abandoned the plot-line halfway through the movie. Still: zombies = unlimited cool.
Movies That Are Coming Out That I Really Wanna See Despite Being Disappointed Time & Again By Movie Producers.
1. I heart Robert Downey Jr.
2. The Mist is possibly the best short story ever written, and while Stephen King's got a horrible track record when it comes to his book-to-film career, this one's by the guy who done did Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, so, um, there.
Plus, it's like The Fog, but without John Carpenter to screw it up!
3. Strangely enough, the actor I have the least of a problem with in Southland Tales is Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. Normally, I'd avoid anything starring Justin Timberlake and Sarah (The Fake Buffy) Michelle Gellar, but it's David Kelly channeling Phillip K. Dick, so colour me excited.
4. Wristcutters: this reminds of an idea my friend Evan asked me to explore about a guy who finds out that he's got a terminal disease and so spends the entire movie trying to kill himself; I came up with about forty pages of script before he told me that he stole the idea from an old Burt Reynolds film.
I have no idea what any of this has to do with Wristcutters, but there ya go. It looks funny.
5. I heart the Coen Brothers. (Even though Ladykillers SUCKED.)
I gots me comics t'read and albums t'upload, so I must go. Plus, that 3rd Season of Deadwood ain't gonna finish watchin' itself.
* yes, it's true, he bought coffee at Beano maybe two weeks ago, and all the girls just went billy at the sight of him. Me, however? I HATED 90210, almost as much as I hate everything DeGrassi.
**aside from really cute girls who are cute and have cute butts and are carrying my unborn child and possess gobs of patience when dealing with boyfriends who don't know their Welsh from their Cornish or vice versa, that is. Please don't stop having sex with me.
5 comments:
Fuck you, Degrassi was cool....
No, sir, it most certainly was not. It was anything BUT cool. It was, in fact, the very epitome of UNcool. It was wretched, and horrible, and stinky, and it caused puppies to bleed from their eyeballs.
I never liked puppies anyway...
That is why Jesus doesn't love you.
And not the only reason....
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