"My friend Chris: good at video games, bad at life."

Honestly, I'd like to regale y'all about:

1. Josh and I locking Jared in the closet/staff room at work for about fifteen minutes, where he sat and took pictures with my camera and then ended up stealing Josh's pack of smokes.

2. Josh yelling at a homeless crackhead who, in his own words, "...spent more money on drugs in a week than you do on rent in a month, and I got an IQ of 1280 so I'm smarter than alla you combined so I'll order my coffee and pay for it and then it better be ready for me when I get outta the bathroom...", while Josh tried to snatch the bathroom key out of his hands with the baking tongs.

3. Jared accidentally smashing a pint glass over the espresso machine so badly that we were picking shards out of the coffee grinders, while Josh freaked out over "FIBRE-glass! Make sure you get all of the tiny ones!".

4. Nearly getting into a fight with a mohawked redneck who was, well, looking for a fight, as we walked to Watchman's after work (Wait...Watchman's, a redneck bar that without fail starts playing Korn and other shite Drop-D bands as soon as it hits 1:00 a.m.? We really gotta stop going there...), who then inexplicably called us 'niggers'. (No, really. He did. I don't get it either...)

5. Kade asking all of us what hobbies we all enjoyed when we were kids, and me realizing that my entire life has been a comedy of errors up to this point. "...well, yeah, I told my friends that there was a ghost haunting my bedroom, and that the ghost was this kid who'd died in the house before we moved in, even though my family was the first to live in that house, but that was after I'd shot that eagle with a BB gun, and our family had two different puppies that'd been shot by farmers, and did I mention that Rob and I think we gave our cat asthma?"

(Sweet Jesus; how have I managed to not accidentally walk into traffic all this time? Why hasn't some piano fallen on my head yet? How am I still alive?)

I'd like to talk about all of these, but frankly,
I'm tired, my apartment is cold, and I wanna go to bed. So, um, talk amongst yourselves.