You are not allowed to fuck with Modest Mouse. You are not ALLOWED.
Seriously: when Simon Cowell was thinking about bringing his little parade of mediocrity across the pond, someone shoulda hit him in the back of the head with a shovel. This hurts both my eyes and my ears and I think I'm bleeding out of a couple other orifices now.
2. Nobody told me that Andrew WK was gonna be destroying Broken City with his awesome powers of rock-n-roll-osity last night until, like, an hour before the show, at which point I was already firmly entrenched behind the counter at Beano, serving coffee to people who claim to love coffee but really end up drowning it in milk and sugar and flavour shots and whip cream because they don't want to admit that they can't stand the taste of coffee in the first place...(deep breath)...so I could not go and witness this truly magnificent creature of partying-goodness.
Understand: I hate people who use the word party as a verb.
But I would party with Andrew WK.
So, to all of my so-called friends who knew about this but chose to keep it to yourselves: you suck hard.
3. HEY BUY OUR CDS BUT YOU CAN ONLY LISTEN TO IT WHEN WE SAY SO AND YOU CAN'T LET YOUR FRIENDS HEAR IT AND YOU CAN'T PLAY IT WHERE ANYONE BUT YOU CAN HEAR IT AND IF YOU DO WE'LL SEND ANGRY LAWYERS AFTER YOU BECAUSE IT'S OUR PROPERTY EVEN THOUGH YOU PAID GOOD MONEY AND WE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH CREATING THE MUSIC IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Jesus H. Christ. Y'all are like children. With apologies to Debbie, Jeff and Robin (none of whom will be reading this anyway), in no uncertain terms: fuck you very much to Universal, Warner, Sony, EMI, and every other part of the music industry that deserves to be dismantled and sold for scrap. I'm gonna make ten copies of every cd I own and give 'em away for free.
4. Ants.
I hate 'em. I just do.
I just woke up from oneof those naps where you feel like you've been kicked in the face by a horse, and I had this really intense dream where Alison from work was selling weed to a girl I knew from high school, only she didn't trust this girl, so she asked me to come along and vouch for her, but then it turned out that we were on that show where a bunch of fashion nazis find some lonesome forty-year-old and rip them apart and then turn them into some kind of Fashionista Frankenstein, but it was just me and they were making fun of my underwear and pubic hair.
Now I got courduroy lines on my face from my throw pillow.
Mondays suck. I gotta go find me some eats.
6 comments:
Man, I thought I'd hear about Andrew WK coming to Calgary WELL IN ADVANCE, but nope... I missed it too! I'm slowly getting over it...
And I have a reason to hate ants because I have allergic reactions when they bite!!!! Little fuckers...
I say we just hate everyone who went to the show - no, wait! What we do is: invite AWK back to do a show just for you, Josh and me. No one else.
Oooh! Oooh! Can we invite Mos Def, too?
Dude, we should just schedule a private music festival for ourselves!!! We'll get our favorite musicians to volunteer their talents for our "cause"... The "cause" being to let everyone know that we HATE THEM for seeing AWK without us. We might get shafted by the scenesters...
and we might get shafted by our favorite musicians afterwards... but... ah, fuck...
nevermind! I'll keep dreaming.
I missed AWK as well. I heard it was the greatest time. I did have the best burger of all time that day, though!
Jess: I'm happy with just throwing various objects at the people who went to the show.
Jeremy: no burger can make up for the awesomeness that is AWK. Unless it's made out of babies.
No, it only had guacamole.
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