I have a One Year Pass to the French Maid. I'm a little concerned that something like this has fallen into my posession. In fact, I'm quite terrified.

Anyway: gotta make this quick, as I woke up late, laundry needs to be done, cats need to be punched.

1. Brain-sculpting, is, like, my favourite new term.

2. Now, this is how you have a stand-off with the police...

3. "If the late former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake."
(Edit: I only posted this because of the sheer lunacy of such a petition; it's not as though I think Ms. Hilton should be celebrated in any way, unless she was tied to stake and set on fire, but even then we'd be paying too much attention to her...)

(Yes, I stole all three of those from Warren Ellis' site. What?)

4. Dude. He committed suicide by CHOPPING OFF HIS OWN HEAD. With a CHAINSAW. Wow. I am...I am so in awe, even if it is abominable.

5. No arms, one leg, stole a car, kicked a state trooper, headbutted his wife. It's like an after-school special on meth.

6. I want George Bush to put out an album of John Lennon songs. Open Source Cinema rocks me like a hurricane.

7. Did anyone actually ask Bruce Willis about his thoughts on conspiracy theories, or did he just feel like, y'know, throwing it out there?

I must go shower now, for I stink. It's really that simple.