This is getting ridiculous.

Oops. It's not my fault. We just kept stealing drinks from some guy named Pedro, and he didn't even notice. Which is why I'm kinda drunk. Again. Also: I guess I have to give Justin free coffee now, as he comped us our drinks when we first got there. (See how cool I am? I said 'comped'. I am SO the shit.)

I know. I know. It's...y'know, bad, right? It's not really like I'm drinking much: I fall over if you even open a bottle of scotch.

How is it possible that I can hurt myself by blinking? My eyelash just pierced my eyeball. I am so lame.

Did you know: I've had the new Tomb Raider game for TWO DAYS now, and I've yet to crack it open. Something is wrong with me.

Also: I have the new Queens. Of The Stone Age, that is. We listened to it at work tonight, and it was rad. Am I surprised? Of course not. Josh Homme is the sexiest rock god around. No foolies. Here is a taste for all you fellow carnivores:

So. We went to the Marquee Room, which was pretty cool. When I told Chris Vail that it was my first time there, he asked me why I hate him so much. It's our thing. Apparently, I REALLY freaked him out one day at Megawhatsit when I went on a tangent about eating babies. I have no idea what he's talking about, and he's got no proof. Honest.

Rachel: Marcus TOTALLY wants to bone you. You should TOTALLY tap that, or else I'll point and laugh at you. You know I will.

Gunther is actually a really good local band, even IF the bass player would much rather dance with his instrument as opposed to actually playing it. Pedro, who sported one of those horrid v-neck American Apparel t-shirts that was decorated with his previous attempts at drinking, kept going on about a) how they had no vocalist, and b) the fact that they only played two chords. Being musically illiterate, I couldn't argue with him, and instead focused on stealing the many gin-&-sodas that he kept ordering. I think it took him an hour to figure out that his drinks kept disappearing. Pedro, if you're reading this: if I see you again, I will buy you a box of wine. Classy, no?

I should point out that, once again, this was all Rachel's fault. She tried to climb a tree later, but it defeated her. I even have pictures. Here is her valiant attempt:


...and here is Rachel defeated:


I will give her points for trying, though. Plus, I am supposed to say: Rachel is graceful and charming and oh-so-nice. It's not true, though...

Okay, now I need food. Currently, I have frozen perogies, an Orangina and two Certs in my apartment. I'm too inebriated to operate my stove, so I'm going to Gerry's to get some hopefully-untainted food. I figure I have a 50-50 chance of not dying. Wish me luck.