Honestly, how can you not see it?

(This picture is called "This Is A Beautiful Vagina." You can find more of my creations that will get me fired here.)

I feel as though I should apologize to the Crazy Lady, because she made me this fancy Arabian-by-way-of-Brazil espresso this morning with her fancy new one-shot stove-top espresso machine, and it had spices in it and everything, and I was more impressed with the coffee-bean mascot on the box than I was with the espresso.

(His name was Chicco, and he was a tiny little coffee-bean! How could I not love him?)

So, sorry. Also: I'm very sorry that my bike tires exploded in your living room at 4:00 in the morning. That was kinda bad, too.

Things:

1. Recoil, subHuman: see, Depeche Mode USED to be made up of four guys: the guy with talent, the other guy with talent that no one knew about, the singer who was otherwise useless, and then the just plain useless guy. They were all dismissed as gay by people who thought that Bon Jovi and MC Hammer were cool, and that Rob Halford was straight as a fucking arrow. These people controlled the airwaves back in the day, which is why people today think that an 80's retro party is a good idea.

But I digress. This is the story of the guy with talent that no one knew about (Alan Wilder) who left Mode to do his own thing, aka Recoil, which, at the time, was this strange atmospheric electro-sound, not that dissimilar from his former group but without all the pseudo-religious S&M overtones, which meant that it was pretty fucking cool. That was about twelve years ago. Fast forward to this CD, which is pretty much the same thing, so it's not bad, but really, it's a sub-par Massive Attack, so I'm left wondering why I bothered.

Oh, yeah: because I got it for free.

2. Galactic, From The Corner To The Block: remember back in the early-to-mid-nineties when every new band seemed to be some horrible rock-rap hybrid that incorporated all the stupid, wanky elements of both genres while ignoring all the good parts? Even though this features talent such as Lateef, Lyrics Born, Chali 2na, and Gift of friggin Gab, I'm kinda reminded of all that annoying bullshit, which is too bad. But, again: free CD, so what the hell.

3. The good: the only words you need to know are "wet artificial life". The bad: because apparently, obesity is caused by a virus, not sitting on your ass watching reruns of Everybody Loves John Ritter's Stunt Double Singing With Stars We Never Cared About In The First Place.

That's a real show. Honest. I wouldn't lie about the sacred institution we call TEEVEE.

4. Wikipedia for Christians. Because, y'know, kangaroos had to get to Australia somehow, right, Bruce?

This is me going to kill zombies in multiple ways.