Rod Stewart is not mentioned once in this blog, and I like it that way.

I'm alittle drunk.

It's been a while since I got myself a little drunk, probably since the last time I had a drink, the Crazy Lady made me crawl out of bed and brush my teeth because all she could smell on my breath when she kissed me was gin. Poor me.

It's all Josh and Kade's fault. They would not relent in pushing drinks down my gullet. I am the victim here. Even though they are botha delight to carouse with, I am clearly being taken advantage of.

I wanted to show you this silliness, and then this ridiculousness, and then this. But now I have to go shave my beard and my head, because I have to work EARLY tomorrow (1:00 in the AFTERNOON!! Who gets up that eraly? I mean early. Yes.), and then I must be presentable for our staff Christmas party, for which I must wear a suit.

It's true: I will be pretty tomorrow.

'Irregardless' is not a word. Stop using it. That is all.

A few things before I immerse myself in TV addiction:

1. Apparently, God hates the world. Personally, were I some omnipotent being who'd granted consciousness and free will to a species that would eventually turn around and create something like this video, I'd start thinking about going back to the drawing board myself.
   
   I think my favourite moment is about halfway through, when someone starts waving an upside-down Canadian flag in the background. I can't tell if it's supposed to be some sort of ridiculous insult, or if it's just a dimwitted Canadian showing his gap-toothed pride for all to see.
   
   (Of course I found this on Warren Ellis' site; I'm quite certain his site is designed to be the internet version of a strong cup of coffee, something to shock you into wakefulness by punching you in the back of the head while squeezing your balls at the same time.)
   
   
2. Heylookit'sthenewBatmanposter.
   
   ...yes, it makes me happy. I don't care if Clint thinks that Heath Ledger is "a dog's breakfast" (Clint started using this phrase after he'd gotten back from Australia, and frankly, I don't get it, as most dogs eat better than I do...); Ledger looks good. Plus, it's Christopher Nolan, so it's gonna rock. Shut up, you.
   
   
3. That's all fer now. I gots new CDs to listen to (The Summerlad, Unkle, Vitalic, some new Southern Lord group called Shipwreck A.D., plus this new project called Tusk that features three-quarters of Pelican with a Japanese vocalist, all of which equals awesomeness), and that X-Files stuff won't watch itself, y'know...
   

OOPS.

This post has been edited at the behest of on Joshua Barsky, Esq.


Just sayin'.

"My friend Chris: good at video games, bad at life."

Honestly, I'd like to regale y'all about:

1. Josh and I locking Jared in the closet/staff room at work for about fifteen minutes, where he sat and took pictures with my camera and then ended up stealing Josh's pack of smokes.

2. Josh yelling at a homeless crackhead who, in his own words, "...spent more money on drugs in a week than you do on rent in a month, and I got an IQ of 1280 so I'm smarter than alla you combined so I'll order my coffee and pay for it and then it better be ready for me when I get outta the bathroom...", while Josh tried to snatch the bathroom key out of his hands with the baking tongs.

3. Jared accidentally smashing a pint glass over the espresso machine so badly that we were picking shards out of the coffee grinders, while Josh freaked out over "FIBRE-glass! Make sure you get all of the tiny ones!".

4. Nearly getting into a fight with a mohawked redneck who was, well, looking for a fight, as we walked to Watchman's after work (Wait...Watchman's, a redneck bar that without fail starts playing Korn and other shite Drop-D bands as soon as it hits 1:00 a.m.? We really gotta stop going there...), who then inexplicably called us 'niggers'. (No, really. He did. I don't get it either...)

5. Kade asking all of us what hobbies we all enjoyed when we were kids, and me realizing that my entire life has been a comedy of errors up to this point. "...well, yeah, I told my friends that there was a ghost haunting my bedroom, and that the ghost was this kid who'd died in the house before we moved in, even though my family was the first to live in that house, but that was after I'd shot that eagle with a BB gun, and our family had two different puppies that'd been shot by farmers, and did I mention that Rob and I think we gave our cat asthma?"

(Sweet Jesus; how have I managed to not accidentally walk into traffic all this time? Why hasn't some piano fallen on my head yet? How am I still alive?)

I'd like to talk about all of these, but frankly,
I'm tired, my apartment is cold, and I wanna go to bed. So, um, talk amongst yourselves.

Hello There.

This is my baby girl. She's got ten toes and ten fingers and a vagina, and alla you boys better stay away from her. Here she is yawning, so you can tell she's as lazy as me.

I am SO screwed.

Stuff.

Man, my girlfriend smelled good yesterday. Y'know how sometimes you just gotta say things out loud that probably shouldn't be said, but you do it anyway just so that other people can know how good something is, even if it's none of their business? That's all I'm doing here.

That is not to say that she did not smell good today. Because she did, but yesterday? Man oh man.

Sorry. I'm rambling. I'm also busy makin' mix-tapes, and by '-tapes' I mean '-CDs', but 'mix-CDs' just doesn't roll off the tongue as easily as 'mix-tapes', so mix-tapes it is. On CD, though. Whatever. The point is, I'm busy, makin' stuff for the Crazy Lady's birthday, and one of the gifts I've got in mind is something I kinda need help on, as I know what I want but not where to get it, and I can't say exactly what it is because she's probably reading this AS WE SPEAK, because she's a mutant that way. SHE KNOWS ALL.

I s'pose I'll figure it out, me being a grown-up and all. Oh, life! Why must you vex me so?

Anyway. The next two of three hours will be spent putting awesome sounds together to make 'em even more awesome (or, if you'd like, awesome-ER...) than they were before I got my hands on 'em, so I'll just leave you with this wonderful site devoted to explaining how the bible is all about UFOs.

Be good. God is watching from his spaceship, and he's probably not happy with what you're doing.

This is where I link to stuff instead of coming up with actual words.

1. Oh My Dear Jesus What? (also known as: "Please Chuck Norris Just Die Already")

2. ...and to think that in my spare time, all I do is play video games and read comics...

3. Okay, the cynical part of me wants to call this "Blair Witch: Godzilla", but I'm actually really interested to see what this is about, and large-scale disaster movies make me go all tingly inside (with the exception of anything done by Michael Bay, otherwise known as The Great Satan.).

4. Please tell me I'm not the only one repulsed by the idea of Christian Slater as Moses.

5. Ben Stein Vs. Darwinism. (This one's a few months old; I honestly don't know what to say, other than: Ben Stein kinda scares me.)

That is all, except for this: yes, Jeremy, I AM a wizard, my secret Wizard name is Sinistar the Destroyer, and I will set your beard on fire by shooting lightning bolts from my fingertips, and no amount of unicorns will save you.