(In which Chris gets a tad carried away because it's obviously Metal Week...)

The Sword's new album, Gods Of The Earth, is great to listen to when you're fifteen minutes away from closing and you've spent the last three hours listening to the Falmes lose in a very spectacular way (yes, I know I misspelled 'Flames'; it's what they deserve, after tonight's performance...); it's also great to crank out when you've also had to put up with Yuppy McDouchebag and his six friends as they attempt to invent as many annoying laughs as they can in the hour-and-a-half that they spend at your place of work while taking up counter-space and generally acting like retards on lithium. It's great to listen to because it screams, "THE HOUR IS NIGH FOR YOU AND YOUR SOUL-PATCHES AND SOY SUGAR-FREE NON-COFFEE BEVERAGES TO FLEE, ELSE WE DESCEND UPON THEE WITH ALL MANNER OF SHARP THINGEES TO STAB THEE WITH!!! (please bring your dishes to the front counter) NOW, GET THEE HENCE FROM MY SIGHT, MAGGOT!!!! THE DARK LORD COMMANDS THEE!!!"

It's also great for, and I quote, "rocking out to", as long as one wears a helmet and protective goggles, as the song titles alone can cause much cranial damage due to Ultimate Awesomeness.

"But, Chris," you scoff, "I am a seasoned metal master! I have an Amulet of Protection forged by the banshee voice of Geddy Lee, and a +10 saving roll against Dire Finger-Tapping! I even own a Sunn O))) album! Surely I have nothing to fear!"

All I have to say is this:

(ahem)

"Fire Lances Of The Ancient Hyperzephyrians".

That? That was the sound of your brain melting from Sheer Metal Bliss. You're welcome.